shambles

I'm really curious how an outsider would view my life, because right now I feel like it's in shambles. I feel like I've messed up in every way I could have, at least almost. My physical health is reflecting the intense stress I've been experiencing and collecting the past few weeks. And I don't know about anyone else but it's really hard to hold my head high and feel good about myself when I can see all the screwups I've accomplished.
Gah! All I want to do is make art and run around in the woods. (basically). Yet I feel like I've landed in all kinds of ridiculous situations that are in no way aligned with my truth, purpose, path, love, etc.. How did this happen?? It seems I've meticulously manifested an adorable variety of self-destructive circumstances to waddle through while my dreams and ambitions are watching grass grow as they wait for me to snap out of it and get real.
So I finally dragged myself into the woods and asked for help. And the answer I got will stay with me a long time. Just let it go. All the stress and the angst - release it, give it away to the Earth, your guides, just surrender it and keep on with life, be present. Just let it go, and "we'll" take care of the rest.

The reality? I know my troubles are petty. My life is fairly straightforward as far as what needs to be done. My stress is valid but it only means I need to look at how I'm living my life and see what I need to change to be more align with my truth. How did all these circumstances happen into my life? I coaxed them along every step of the way! How do you ACCIDENTALLY end up in college and mess up a group project, you know?Other things, like coworkers hating my guts and wanting me to fall off a cliff.. Seriously, there's real value in that and I know it and I've known it all along. I'm being given an opportunity to learn how to stick up for myself, to not just be a pansy my whole life.
My dreams, my destiny, etc.? I'm living it now! My path itself is such an incredible wonder that there's no need to curse any part of the path, even the parts that are unpleasant. I'm where I need to be right now and I'm learning so much all the time. And, now is the PERFECT time to get started on making my dreams come true, BECAUSE my life is so hectic. If I can make it happen now, then I know I really want it and can make it happen ANYTIME, no matter WHAT, so help me Universe.

So am I really in shambles?
Still yes.
exhaaallleeeeeee.

Okay, that's enough of that.